Posted on

Don’t Give Up Series Begins

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22

I thought I’d start the holiday season with a series of blog articles about not giving up. So many have a profound sadness or depression around this time of year because it reminds us of who is no longer with us. It chronicles what we can no longer do or what we no longer have since last holiday season.

Most of those struggling with chronic illness or other chronic issues will come to a time of desperation at some point or another. We all get to a level of discomfort, overwhelm, sadness, or frustration (or all of the above) when we feel we can no longer go on or we no longer want to. In fact, it may happen several times over the course of your life. It certainly has with me!

There are times when I feel like giving up. I’ve never really been suicidal, but I have had thoughts along the lines of, “God, if I meet with an unfortunate accident, I wouldn’t be at all upset! In fact, if you’d hurry that along, I’d be grateful!” But so many with chronic illness or issues feel a deep depression or thoughts of wanting their suffering to end in any way possible. If that’s you right now, I’d like to speak to your spirit this month.

The first thing I’d like to share with you is not to give up looking for your joy. Joy is something that leaves you first when you are overwhelmed, frustrated, and saddened by the long, difficult road of chronic issues. I’ve talked about this many times, but the phrase, “There’s light at the end of the tunnel” really bothers me and angers some with a chronic journey because our tunnel doesn’t end this side of heaven. So, if your tunnel doesn’t end, how can you see the light at the end of it?

Why you should not give up looking for joy:
1. The obvious answer is that without joy life doesn’t seem worth living. Without joy, there is only misery inside of that chronic illness tunnel.

2. Believe it or not, there IS joy inside your tunnel! No matter how dismal, draining, or painful your tunnel is. The beauty that was there around you is still there whether or not you’re looking for it. The grass is just as green and peaceful looking. The flowers are just as vibrant. Your children are just as precious. Your spouse’s smile is just as soothing.

3. The more you search for the joy, the more of it you will find. The more you find, the more it will minister to your soul.

4. The more you find your joy, the more you can share it with others even though you are going through tough times. This ties right in with my article for next week on purpose so I’ll have more on that next week.

How not to give up looking for joy:
1. If you’re going to find the joy, you’ve got to actively search for it. Satan has a habit of hiding the joys surrounding those who are in trials or struggling with things. Depression moves us away from our joy and isolates us from others. Those of us who have chronic illness are isolated enough already.

2. Actively searching for something is very different from casually noticing things so you will need to be conscious of every opportunity to find the humor, the beauty, and the kindnesses as life brings you to them. You must keep asking yourself, “What joy can I see right now?”

3. They say it takes 21 days to make a habit. After a few weeks of actively, consciously searching for the joy, you will find yourself able to see it without being active about it.

4. So, challenge yourself to take 21 days to find the joys, the humor, the beauty in each place you find yourself. Here are some ideas for you: Write down what you are thankful for each day. Keep a journal of the beauty around your house, your family, your job, your church, and your situation. What’s funny about the ridiculous situations you find yourself in? What has made you smile each day?

5. And then after 21 days or a month or so, take out your notes and reread them. Take special note of just how many you were able to find.

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22

Next week, I’ll be sharing about the next thing to leave those with chronic issues: a sense of purpose. Stay with me on this journey. Check back next week and please share this with friends and family.

Please follow and like us:
Posted on

I have chronic illness. What’s a comfort zone?

I wrote this quite a while ago back on another blog, but I had to go looking for it because I kept coming across these memes on Facebook and it got me thinking about this again. Here it is as I wrote it many years ago:

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Comfort Zone: I had to look that up because I wasn’t familiar with the concept.  I might have misplaced my comfort zone.  I’m not sure I ever had one.  This is something I often see online or mentioned in high-powered, self-help books and seminars:

“Ya gotta step out of your comfort zone or nothing will ever change in your life!”

“Nothing great was ever accomplished inside your comfort zone!”

“If you want to achieve incredible things, you HAVE to get out of your comfort zone!”

Where exactly IS my comfort zone? I’d like to claim this piece of real estate.  In fact, I’d like to vacation there on a semi-permanent basis.  I’ve been searching for it for the past 35 years, but I never have located it.  I don’t remember ever being there, even as a kid.  The only thing comfortable or stable about my life has been how often it changes.

Two weeks after I was born in Colorado, my family moved out of state.  Florida was a two-year engagement, New York was an eight or nine-year gig, but part one was in the city for a while, part two was on Long Island for five years and part three was across town for another two.  I did an 18-month stint in Virginia followed by several years in California.  From 1977 to 2008 I lived in seven different California locations.  I never saw my comfort zone there or in the desert heat of ARIDzona where we were for 5.5yrs and, so far, it hasn’t turned up in the 10 months we’ve been in the deep freezer of Indiana either.

I was always the oddball in school. I was the new kid on the block who liked to read, was very shy and didn’t know why the guy at Dairy Queen on the corner was the butt of all the jokes. I was the one who didn’t know how to get around school, couldn’t find her way to the mall or understand the latest fad.  I wore the wrong jeans (which I called dungarees), had the wrong purse (which I called a pocketbook) and didn’t even know how to pronounce the names of the streets (SePULveda which my family pronounced SepulVEda for the first few months in southern California). Try using the “wrong” terms or pronunciation with teens and see how comforted you feel.

In college and just afterward, this shy gal had several sales jobs.  I sold real estate, pay telephones, videos and teddy bears.  Sometimes I had three jobs, but I wouldn’t describe any of them as comfortable.  It was a bit scary and not only because I had to talk to people.  Some of the people I had to talk to were in a part of town that was downright scary and the business owners didn’t easily give me any credibility.  Ever try to convince a Middle Eastern male business owner to take you seriously when you’re a 5′ nuthin’ female?  Not comfortable in the least.

I did time: 8 years in customer service. Got off for good behavior. LOL  If you think that job is easy, remember how many people call customer service because they are HAPPY.  But all that aside, a co-worker, for reasons unknown to mankind,  decided I was a threat to her moving up in the company and took it upon herself to trash my work and reputation to the entire office.  She stood up in the middle of the office and yelled at me about how I was doing a horrible job and how I was trying to keep her from getting promoted.  Management came out and, instead of stopping her, they just watched. Later on, we were both called into the office where they told me that I was on thin ice there.  ME?

She began putting notes in all my files accusing me of poor performance and talking about me to all the staff.  I was eventually told they wanted to demote me. I told them they could fire me, but I wouldn’t take a demotion.  I never retaliated as God told me to do what was right. 

Later on, I left the company because I started my own business and could work from home and be with my daughter.  A year or so later, I went back to visit a friend there and was told that the gal who trashed me had a nervous breakdown in the ladies room after they all realized what she’d been doing.  Trust me, that wasn’t my comfort zone either.

I made many decisions that either weren’t very popular or were not easily understood.  I was challenged to prove why I homeschooled and the fact that it wasn’t illegal or immoral.  I was the only Christian in my family. Not a comfortable topic of conversation.  In addition, I had to justify why I had my own business instead of getting a secure job with a steady paycheck like most people did.  I worked my tail off at my business and built it up to where I was earning $3000/month only to have the bottom fall out of the economy in 2008 and virtually wipe out my income.  Comfort zone? I think not!

You all know how our first year here in NW Indiana went. If you don’t, you can read it here.  The weather outside is frightful and thunderstorms are not delightful…or comforting.

Then there is the matter of dealing with chronic illness. I know my readers are intimately familiar with this one! If you don’t know my story, you can listen to my video here.  Chronic illness often leads us out of our comfort zone, if we ever had one.  We struggle to do things most people take for granted.  I talked more about this in my recent post, Looking Back: I Used to Run.

So all this to say, I think many of us who struggle with chronic illness or other chronic issues can’t find our comfort zone, but we wish we could! We wish we were comfortable, but the pain is too severe.  We wish we could live at ease, but we struggle just to get through the day.  How many of you would like to find your comfort zone?  What would you do there?

For many years I was frustrated that I wasn’t afforded a comfort zone until I realized that God is my comfort zone.  He strengthens those of us without a comfort zone.  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” –Matthew 11:28,  Sounds like a good comfort zone to me.  How about you?

Please follow and like us:
Posted on

What CAN you do? – Part 3

This month, I’ve been sharing my four-step process for getting past the thoughts all chronic illness sufferers think: here’s all I CAN’T do. First, I shared about how to find ways to think less about what we can’t do and more about what we CAN do. Last week, I shared how you can ask yourself about what you’re doing now that you can put more of your energy toward. This week, I’m going to share how you can find ways to do for your immediate family and friends.

Just as everyone has a unique set of talents given them by God, each also has a unique set of limitations given to them by chronic illness. Despite whatever limitations you may have, there are things you CAN do for your family and friends that you may not have thought about before. Now, some of these things you may not think are important, but I guarantee you they are to your family and friends! Here’s what you CAN do for family and friends:

1.Being an example:
I’ve read that it isn’t what happens to us that matters, it’s how we react. I’ve written about this principle in many of my Art of Eloquence communication materials because it isn’t the fact that you mess up a speech. It’s how you handle that mistake that people react to. People forgive even a colossal mistake you make toward them if you handle it by apologizing and seeking to make it right. This principle is even more powerful when you deal with trials by trying to find the good inside them.

You can be an example in your job, to your kids, at church, in your ministry, in your business, through your artwork and writing or blogging, to your social media connections, and with those, you come in contact with.

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been told how I inspire others by my outlook on life despite having lived through so many medical, financial, and other trials.

2.Pointing out the joys
I have made it one of my life’s missions to point out the fun, humor, and joy in the things I see or experience. Being uplifting isn’t only or always just showing the beauty of God’s world, but can be just giving the world that is full of tragedy and trials just a glimmer of beauty, or a little giggle.

It’s a gift God has given me to see the humor in things. So, I create memes and post them on social media with the lighter side of the trials I go through and the funny side of almost anything that I see.

If you don’t have the inclination for humor, why not post pictures of the beauty that is in this world? You can share them from anywhere you are and bring a little joy into this fallen world that is filled with darkness and tragedy.

I can’t tell you how much a little giggle can mean to someone who has had a tough day…or someone who has had a death in the family. You wouldn’t think so, but it’s true. I ran a very large Facebook fan page. All I did was post purple memes and pictures every day. That’s all.! I have received private messages from fans telling me how my little purple memes helped them through their husband’s death. Their husband’s DEATH! My little purple pictures in the midst of their grief meant that much to them. Facebook recently took away my admin status about a month ago. I haven’t been able to post since. However, that page has grown by over 200 fans and I continue to get messages from fans who miss my posts!

3.Sharing your artistic talents: writing, artwork
If the Lord has given you a talent for writing or painting or drawing or calligraphy, this can bring so much joy to others! Post your work on social media. Start a group or fan page for it! Invite others over to see your craft work. Put it on YouTube.

I had a friend here in Indiana. I met her a short time before she moved away, but she had an incredible talent for music. She wrote piano instrumental music for the glory of God and it was gorgeous! She shared it once as worship before church service and she invited me over to hear her play several of her works. I was going through a tough time then, but for a few hours, I was inspired!

You have been blessed with some talent. Explore it. Share it. Both you and those you share it with will be blessed!

Next week, I’ll be back with the final post in this series.

Please follow and like us:
Posted on

When I’m down, I look up to my Creator

About a month ago, my husband was working a ten-day streak at a temp job 82 miles from home. Our son was visiting and it was Sunday morning. We only have one key for the car I drive and though my husband left the car for us, he forgot to leave the key so, we weren’t able to go to church or to the store to buy groceries.  It was my last day with our son before he had to go back to college and I was in more pain and fatigue than usual due to a Fibro flare.

Sitting at my computer working for my clients’ social media accounts, I “penned” the following because it suddenly occurred to me that the things I was praying ABOUT were the very things I was praying FOR not too long before.  It received so many responses from people who said they needed to hear it that I decided to share it here so folks could always find it if they needed it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When I am worried about my husband having to drive 82 miles one way to work, working ten days straight, leaving at 5:30 am and not getting home til 9 pm, I am reminded of when I prayed to the Lord because he was out of work for months.

When I am sad that my son is leaving again to go back to college, I remember how I prayed that God would keep him safe in utero and how the Lord performed several miracles during his birth.

When I’m lonely because my daughter lives in another state, I think back on the time when the Lord healed her completely after a virus had caused an enlarged heart valve.

When I’m frustrated with how tired I am and the pain I feel, I’m reminded that my God had given my surgeon the idea to take out my fallopian tube during a routine surgery for a simple cyst and found cancer in its infancy that is almost always found too late.

When I’m down, I look up to my Creator and marvel at His blessings for me.

Please follow and like us:
Posted on

Vlog Series: 20 Steps to Finding Joy in the Trials- Part 5

I pray you are finding blessings in my vlog series so far!  Here is part five of 20 Steps to Finding Joy in the Trials.  This one is a wee bit longer, but it is well worth the time.  Enjoy!

I’ll see ya next week with part six!  If you haven’t viewed the intro or any of parts 1-4, just go up to the Blog tab and scroll down to view any you missed.

 

Blessings!

Please follow and like us:
Posted on

Praising God in the Storm: Part 6

Well, we’ve finally come to the end of this series.  I have just one more part of this process, and that’s to help someone else find their joy and praise God in THEIR storm.  While you may think this is something you do for others, it has a surprisingly positive effect on the person doing the encouraging as well.

You’ll find that in trying to lift someone else up, you are lifted higher yourself.  Part of that comes from the smile effect.  Smiling is contagious, so they smile, you smile. When you provide joy or happiness for others, you also feel joy yourself for having lifted someone else up…for having had some small part in bringing joy to another individual in trial of their own.

6. Help someone else

I know it sounds a bit backwards, but it can often feel good to be the solution for someone else’s problem.  Sometimes we are almost paralyzed by our fear or stuck in our sadness that we feel a complete lack of control over our lives.  It can feel empowering or at least uplifting to be the solution to something, no matter how small the issue is.  As they used to say back when I was a little girl, “try it; you’ll like it.”

The other amazing thing about helping someone else is that it tends to be habit-forming.  The more you feel good helping others, the more you want to do it.  That not only increases your joy, but the joy around you.

You may not be able to become happy about your circumstances, but you can do things that bring you some joy.  This joy will help us see the blessings God has put in our lives and this will, eventually, allow us to thank God and even praise him in the storm.

It’s been an incredibly difficult year for my family.  As I said, I wrote this as much for me as I did for my readers.  I have read it over about three times this week as I have needed these words as much as any of you.  Please share your story. How can I pray for you?

 

Please follow and like us:
Posted on

Praising God in the Storm: Part 5

The storms and trials of life should always lead us back to the Lord.  We may need to take some time to cry and some time to find a way to put a smile back on our face in order to get past these feelings that accompany the desert of life, but it should always lead us back to the Lord.  I find that sometimes I need a little help with that and that’s where some fabulously uplifting devotionals come in.

5.Read encouraging devotionals

Some devotionals are designed to educate, some are designed to make you think, yet others are created to have you work through situations.  I’m not discussing those. They have their purpose, and I don’t deny they are important, but they aren’t what will get you through.

Another set of devotionals that are similar to the ones I’m talking about are the ones on being thankful.  I also don’t recommend those at the times of your life when trials, struggles, and burdens get you down.

The ones I’m talking about here are the ones that encourage you.  Bible Gateway has devotionals you can subscribe to that I have found helpful: Encouragement for Today, Devotions for Women and Devotions for Moms.  Look for things that have titles that are uplifting and encouraging.

A caution: I don’t recommend the one called Standing Strong in the Storm because it’s mostly about people who have endured religious persecution.  While that might be important to read or be inspiring at other times, I find that they are not something we can relate to when we are in the middle of stress.  Unless your struggle is religious persecution on a grand scale, I find I can’t relate to them, and they make me feel bad for even being upset about financial or health or relationship issues which doesn’t help me feel any better about my situation.

Many of the ones on Bible Gateway are video based so you can sit back and watch them.  These are great for when you’re so tired from burdens you can’t even concentrate on reading.

In addition to Bible Gateway, I find that Charles Stanley of www.intouch.org has a bunch of videos on various topics that are uplifting and have helped me in the past.  If I’m not mistaken, that one has (or had) a way to organize them and keep notes.  I, myself, keep a notebook with verses and ideas I like to be reminded of.  That’s actually, how I am able to write my articles…from the notes I took after having read or viewed something I thought was particularly helpful (or not).

I hope I’ve given you some practical information the past few weeks to get you started on your path to being able to praise God in the storm.  I will be praying for my readers that you not only come to a point where you can do that but that God will bless you and your family as well.

 

Please follow and like us:
Posted on

Praising God in the Storm: Part 4

Praising God in the storms of the trials of life is not easy, especially at first.  First, it’s often necessary to find things that can bring a smile to your face even in the midst of whatever it is you’re in the midst of.  That is going to be different for each person.  So, what things bring you joy?

4.Do things that bring you joy

Look at pretty pictures of God’s world and remember how everything is delicately balanced for us and given for us to use.  It’s hard to look at the beauty of God’s world and not feel some amount of joy.

Listen to uplifting music and sing along or sing harmony.  I am a “wannabe” musician. I used to write songs and I was a voice major in college before I switched to Speech Communication.  I can’t help but feel better when I hear beautiful music and sing along.  It usually makes me feel better to sing along to praise and worship music sometimes the same song over and over again.

Call a friend.  Sometimes you need a real, living person you can talk things over with.  Just talking through our feelings can help us feel a bit better because we have expressed them and someone cared enough to listen.  Many times we aren’t looking for a solution because we already know what our options are, but sometimes we may be surprised at our friend’s ability to help us find one!  Even if nothing gets resolved, you will probably find yourself feeling better just because you were able to share your feelings with a good and trusted friend.

One caution.  There is a strong possibility that there will be a time in your trails when things get to feel too much where you can’t even envision yourself having fun or laughing.  That’s ok.  There will be those times.  Take some time to be mad, sad, or cry.  I wrote an article once called Sometimes You Need a Pity Party for just that reason.  But for those times when you don’t need a pity party, you can find things that will help you get out of the hole trials have tried to bury you inside.  You can crawl out with the help of these techniques, a good friend, or a good cry, and some serious prayer and comfort from the Lord.

 

Please follow and like us:
Posted on

Praise God in the Storm: Part 3

So far I’ve talked about praising God in the storm by taking it a bit at a time and by looking for the blessings in bad things that didn’t happen because God protected us.  This week, I’d like to talk more about the difference between what is defined as joy and happiness.

Joy and happiness are often used interchangeably, but they really are two different things.

3. Remember that joy and happiness are two different things

Keep things in proper perspective.  Happiness, as defined by Merriam Webster as good fortune or prosperity, a state of well-being and contentment, joy or a pleasurable or satisfying experience.

Joy is listed as the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires, delight, the expression or exhibition of such emotion, gaiety, a state of happiness or felicity, bliss, a source or cause of delight.

So happiness is dependent upon external circumstances, whereas joy exists in spite of whatever is going on around us and is a result of what’s happening on the inside. You can still have joy even though you are not happy because you can have a hope because you are in God’s will and will be rewarded in heaven even if you aren’t here on earth.  You can be joyous in your strength or your endurance or your obedience even if you are unhappy about your health or your finances or your relationships.

I can’t tell you how often I’ve been unhappy about the situations I’ve found myself in. As I write this, I’m unhappy about the fact that my dh will be losing his job…again, the fact that it’s taken much more time, energy and money to get our Amazon mug business off the ground which we feel will help us during the job transition, and the fact that I still have several health issues that keep me in pain and devoid of energy.  And those are just the highlights!  But…though I may take time to be frustrated and sad, I know in my heart that there is a loving God who is with me and who has made a way for me beyond the temporary that is this fallen world.  That is my joy despite the fact that I’m deeply unhappy with my circumstances at times.

Happy is fleeting and relies on outside forces.  Joy is eternal and comes from within.  Joy won’t always make you happy, but it certainly helps in times of trial.

Take some time to think about what makes you joyful as opposed to just happy.

 

Please follow and like us:
Posted on

Paul vs Job Part 8: Keep This in Mind

I only have two more parts to this series and today’s is about things we, who are going through long term, chronic, and lifetime trials need to keep in mind in order to be able to find the joy inside the struggles.  This week’s post is vital if you’ve never sat down to think of them before and even if you have. Stay with me.

 

  1. You’ll have good days and bad days.  Dealing with issues like these, unfortunately, isn’t a straight upward trajectory.  You’ll have good days and bad days. If you don’t expect that, you’ll be disappointed when the bad days come. If you do expect that, you can minimize the effects of the bad days and get more joy out of the good days.
  2. Watch for dangerous signs. Depression and suicide is an increased risk for those in one or more long-term chronic issues. Get help if you feel overwhelmed and depressed.  We are only human and things can get to us after a long while of dealing with life’s trials. Don’t suffer needlessly.  It happened to me a while back, but thankfully I was able to pull myself out after a short time.
  3. Make time for and pick your battles with your spouse. The divorce rate among those in trial is also much higher. Whether your struggle is financial or health-related, these things can make for grumpy spouses and that can affect a marriage.  Take time to work through things together before it becomes a pattern or too big a problem for you two to face together without help. If it’s already gotten to that point, consider getting some marriage counseling.
  4. Keep in mind that things are not as simplistic as others would have you believe. Most issues are much more complex than the platitudes and pat answers would suggest and they won’t help. Life isn’t all packaged up neatly in a perfect box.  Life’s messy and life in trial is even messier still.  And that’s ok. Knowing this allows you to dig further to find your answers instead of feeling as if there is something wrong with you because someone thinks you should just “get over it.”

I would also like to take this opportunity to share some tips for finding more joy in the midst of struggle and suffering.

  1. CDs of church sermons you’ve not been able to attend for health reasons
  2. Online church sermons if you can’t make it to church one week or more
  3. Upliftng praise and worship music or music that makes you happy from when you were a child or when you were doing well.
  4. Watching humorous tv shows or funny videos
  5. Our parent company Grape Stuff has a set of four CDs that have serene instrumental music on them that is designed to reduce anxiety and to calm.  It’s called the Serenity Package.  

Next week, I’ll deal with what I find in Paul’s writing that leads me to believe how he was able to find joy in all that was his trials. See you then.

 

Please follow and like us: