Tag: children

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Are you swimming upstream or letting the Lord guide you?

I was thinking about perspective one day and I created this meme:

I noticed that if you look at the side of the mountain with your head tilted, it looks like just a moderate walk to the top. God often has us look at things differently and do things differently such that it doesn’t feel like an insurmountable task to climb what we thought was a huge mountain.

Sometimes it feels like we’re swimming upstream trying to get things done with a body that doesn’t want to cooperate. Then, suddenly, we hear clearly how the Lord wants us to do it and things seem like we’re just riding the current. So…

Are you swimming upstream or are you letting the Lord lead you? This is part one of a four part series on how we can choose to live our lives joyously in spite of chronic illness or any other difficulties. Life is difficult at best and a mess most of the time. But it’s a wonderful mess that we can stop trying to control and just trust our Lord to take us where He wants us to go.

If you’ve ever been in a river, you know that it’s so much harder to try to swim against the current than to allow it to take you away. Well, that place He’s taking us may not look good, but if we trust Him, it will be a wonderful experience. OR the road there, which at first seems treacherous, may actually be EASY if we stop fighting against it and allow God to guide us.



Example 1: My son.
We were heartbroken when we lost several babies to miscarriage after my daughter was born. We went over NINE YEARS without hope because we thought God didn’t want us to have another child. We didn’t trust the Lord to handle the situation as much as we were disappointed that He didn’t give us another child. At first, we were devastated each time we found I wasn’t pregnant. All our energy was focused on that next child until one day we stopped trying and just allowed the Lord to do what He wanted.

Our miracle baby was born 9.5 years after my first. We had wanted two children, a boy and a girl who were about 2-3 years apart. That was our plan. BUT…If I had another child a few years after my daughter was born, I’d never have my incredible son and we would have been empty nesters a LONG time ago!

God knew what He was doing! He gave us what we needed when we needed it. Just as He always does!



Example 2: My cancer journey.
I thought it was the most awful thing that could happen to us. My husband was fired with no way to prove it was racially motivated. No job, no income, no insurance. BUT God…

But God had a plan and because of that plan I’m still alive! My husband and I spent hours and hours worrying, planning and doing things that would allow us to make a living until he got another job. Now, the doing WAS needed, but the worrying was NOT! It took so much of my energy of which so little remained as Fibro had hold of it.

After a while the company insurance ran out. It wasn’t that great anyway, but now we had none. We found that the state offered it to those who were in this kind of situation. When the doctor wanted to send me to a specialist and then for testing for a fibroid tumor (which we both knew was almost certainly gone now that I was nearing menopause), I only agreed because she was insistent and it didn’t cost me anything out of pocket.

If my husband still had that job and insurance, I would never have agreed to pay for tests and specialists to find something that was most certainly gone by now. They never would have found a cyst on my ovary that required surgery and they NEVER would have found a rare and very aggressive cancer that almost always takes the woman’s life because it is found too late to cure! I would have been dead long before and you wouldn’t be reading this blog! So, what looked like a disaster to us turned out to save my life!

Since only God can see ahead, we have no idea what He has in store for us that might be better than what we could have even hoped for. We only see the edge of the waterfall. As we are going over Niagra Falls in that barrel, we can only see and feel fear…unless we trust God to take us through. On the other side, we can sometimes look back to see how far He was willing to go to save us or give us what He wanted.

Next week, I’ll be back with some more on how we can find the good in a bad situation.

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2020: Back to Basics

I thought I’d start off this year getting back to basics. However, in case you’re just joining me at Life Beyond Surviving here in 2020, I thought I’d start at the beginning of how and why I started this blog. I’ve always sought to be understood because I’ve never been able to fit in with the crowd. My life has always been a bit quirky. I guess you could say I’m not your average Jo…Jo!

I’ve always been different, weird if you will. So, I understand how important it is to be supported for who you are and the different circumstances you find yourself in. That is the essence of chronic illness, isn’t it? We don’t feel most people get us. Sometimes when you have been through so much you find yourself asking God why. Why me? Why so much hardship? Why can’t I just be normal?

Why? In my case, I think it’s because I can help others…and I have never been normal…

I’m only 5′ tall, wearing children’s shoes, hats, and gloves. I used to sit on a telephone book in order to see over the steering wheel.

I was born to Atheists of Jewish descent, married a nonpracticing Catholic and became a nondenominational Christian because of Amway meetings and a Jehovah’s Witness that came to my door.

I’m an older mom having had my first at 27 and my second and last child at 36. I didn’t vaccinate my son though I did my daughter. Both my kids are incredibly intelligent. My son is that as well as Autistic or what they used to call Asperger’s.

I chose to homeschool my kids and for seventeen years we fielded all sorts of questions about socialization and getting into college. In case you’re wondering, they both were able to hold their own during the inevitable inquisitions from cable guys to relatives and went on to elite universities.

I’m weird in my medical history as well. Having had Fibro since I was a teenager and several other issues shortly after giving birth to my son at 37, I’m all too familiar with the misunderstandings that chronic illness has in the general community.

In addition to Fibro, I’ve struggled with perimenopause hot flashes for over twenty years. I also have Essential Tremors, Arthritis, Osteoporosis, and I can’t even remember all the rest. In addition, I’ve had nine surgeries in my lifetime. Five of them in a 2.5 year period of time including one due to cancer.

I’ve been married 33 years. I’ve been a mom for 30 years, I homeschooled for 17 years and I’ve had chronic illnesses spanning most of my life. I have a wealth of knowledge about several topics and how to do them with chronic illness.

“But do not forget to do good and to share, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased. ” -Hebrews 13:16

My heart is to share my knowledge and support others who are struggling with chronic conditions. My mission is to help them see the joy, the light, God’s light not just at the end of a tunnel (trial) they might be going through, but INside the tunnel (during the trials that are so long they don’t end this side of heaven).

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Chronic Illness New Year’s Resolutions – Part 3

“A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.” – Proverbs 17:17

I’ve been talking all this month about the ways in which we, who have chronic illness, can make goals or as some would call them at this time of year New Year’s Resolutions. So far, I’ve talked about health and business or career goals we can still have even given the fact that we lack energy and are in pain. This week, I’d like to focus on family.

Part 3: Family
Family is so important, but it can be difficult to take care of our family when we’re always tired and in pain. I know so many of us feel guilty for not being able to do things with and for our kids or husbands. We beat ourselves up for not being able to cook meals for our church family. Instead of going places or doing things for our family, we may be able to be of help in other non-energetic ways.

Driving is hard for me since my tremors have increased. It takes a lot more energy than I usually possess to shower, dress, drive, and visit. However, I can text or call instead. I can skype or go online and visit with people virtually. That keeps me connected. Instead of making goals to get out more, I’ve resolved to be out more. Invite people over, connect online, be involved more in groups, help others more, call more, keep in touch more often.

Sometimes when a family member is down or has some difficulties, it can be hard to help financially or to be there to help with errands or housework or to cook. But I can be of help by making it a point to text an uplifting quote per day or call weekly to be a sounding board. It’s possible to make a special craft item and ship it to them or write a poem and email it.

I once made it a point to text an uplifting or funny quote every day to a friend who was going through a tough time with family. I couldn’t be there and she didn’t have time to talk, but she found it helpful and uplifting to see my text every morning. She said it really helped her through a very tough time in her life. Just because you don’t think it’s a big gesture, doesn’t mean it isn’t important and meaningful to them. There’s always some way to connect and help others in your family.

My sister and I live across the country from each other and my mom lives in a third state seven hours from our mom. We started planning a Generational conference call once every few months so we could feel as if we were there with each other and chat in real-time. It was my mom, both of her daughters and, on one call, our daughters as well. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t do, but it would never have happened if we hadn’t resolved to plan it.

What would you like to do with family? What could you plan instead? What would be doable yet also meaningful? Plan it for 2020. While we all have adversity, we can all plan some way to connect with family and help one another whether they are your parents or your children.

“A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity.” – Proverbs 17:17

Next week, I’ll share part four on our spiritual lives. Please check back!

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What CAN You Do? – Part 1

Chronic illness takes so much away from you that your thoughts often dwell on what you can’t do anymore. I can’t work. I can’t go out today. I can’t clean the house. I can’t do for my kids. I can’t help the church. I can’t help a friend. I can’t feel useful. And that right there is the cause of sadness and even deep depression.

But it doesn’t have to be. I’ve felt that way myself, but I have developed some habits that have helped me to get out of that funk and feel useful which, in turn, increases the joy I feel day to day.

It all started with a question I asked myself. “What CAN you do?” You see, I had many times when I felt like I was too tired to DO anything. Too brain fogged to THINK of anything. Too overwhelmed to make any sense. And yet, I always found SOMEthing I could do that would make a difference, that would be positive, that would be of value to…someone, anyone.

There are four parts to this process and I’m going to cover one part per week this month. The first step is to think less about what you can’t do and more about what you CAN do. It sounds simple. It’s not. It is the hardest step in the process, but it’s worth every effort.

So many devotionals I’ve read and so many of the PMA books out there are like the Just Say No campaign. Just think positive. Just be thankful. People have it so much worse than you! Well, it may be true, but it isn’t helpful, especially when you’re in the throws of despair or you are still grieving the loss of your old life.

But there are several things that can help you to begin to think this way and here they are in no particular order. Do the ones that speak to you. Use the ones that you can and see if you can start others later as you begin to heal from the overwhelm.

  1. Start a gratitude journal
    You don’t have to publicize it. Just write down one thing each day that you are grateful for. One new item each day. Then, after a week, look back on it. After a month, after a year… The more you see in your journal, the more you realize just how blessed you are even if you do have big things to deal with.
  2. Find the humor in life’s other struggles
    I can’t tell you how many times I have had little weird things happen. These little weird things didn’t always seem really little to me at the time. But later on, I found them to be much smaller than the illnesses and conditions I face and so I now see them as not as important. I see them more as inconveniences that are kind of funny…sometimes at the time!
  3. Compare the size of the other struggles to your big ones
    If you can’t find the humor in the other struggles that come along or you still get upset when things are compounded by all life’s glitches, you can try comparing the big struggles to the little short-lived ones.

    You’re already tired and in pain, but you go to the kitchen to make dinner for your family and the oven knob falls off in your hand. You pick up the pot and the handle falls off. About this time, you’re probably thinking that someone is out to get you.

    You’re frustrated and angry, but what if you could stop and think about the size of these issues as compared with your bigger struggles, the size of your love for your family, and the blessings you have despite the problems you are in? What if you looked around and asked yourself, “Where’s Alan Fundt? Am I on Candid Camera? What if you saw the humor in it. What if you skipped to the part where you put the handles back on and that problem was solved?
  4. Think about how the Lord might be leading you to better things
    My husband was fired several years ago from a job we moved to Indiana for. We had to move out of the house we were going to buy. Because of that move, my new doctor wanted to check to see if a huge fibroid I had in my uterus was still there–even though in all likelihood, it was gone due to my age. The fibroid was gone, but a cyst on my ovary was found instead. Surgery to remove that cyst and the fallopian tube attached to it revealed a rare and aggressive cancer in its infancy.

    If it were not for that series of events starting with that job loss, I’d be dead now. Sometimes bad things lead to good things. Sometimes we are privileged to know about them. Sometimes we are not. So, if you don’t see it, just think about how it MIGHT have benefited you. It sure did for me!

Remember, this is the step that takes the most time, but the good news is that you can do them simultaneously with the other steps…which I will discuss in the coming weeks.